page 011

posted May 13th, 2013, 9:13 am


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May 13th, 2013, 9:13 am

octokiss

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I'm so busy these days!!!!!!!!!!

But, guys, I want to thank you all for reading and commenting! Y'all are the best!

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December 17th, 2017, 6:02 am

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May 13th, 2013, 9:35 am

jonasfx

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YOU are the best!!<3

g'dammit! I love the facial expressions you put out here :D
and those glasses really suit blondie (I hope he keeps them in otherworld ^_~)

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May 13th, 2013, 11:29 pm

Almightyra

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what'chu lookin at?

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May 14th, 2013, 12:03 am

moxie (Guest)

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When I first discovered your comic it endeared itself to me after just a few pages just by how the 3 characters interacted. Im not sure what prompted you to scrap it and start over, I'm sure it was a good reason, but had I just stumbled across the comic now I doubt I would have added to my regularly webcomic routine. I'm still going to read it cause I dig your art and I am interested in where the story is going to go but that is based on what i saw you were capable of before, not so much on what im seeing now. I don't intend for this comment to be perceived negatively its just the sort of feed back I would want if I were in your shoes so I thought I'd pass it along.
Looking forward to the rest of the story!

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May 14th, 2013, 6:11 am

octokiss

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@moxie: Hi, Moxie! I'm definitely glad to receive feedback, even if it is negative (I do perceive it as negative, by the way! If you wouldn't read it, that's not good! I don't think anyone else would perceive it any other way. but, that in itself is not a bad thing--I dont mind well meaning criticism at all!). But, this doesn't really tell me what you think is missing! Next time, I'd be really grateful to hear something a little more... constructive, I guess I'd say? I've been to art school once or twice so I'm pretty familiar with the critique dialogue, and would be happy to have it!

Since you did mention the characters endearing themselves to you last time, I'd like to point out that the three characters in the last version of the story didn't actually meet until like, page 18! Yikes! Could it be you didn't stumble upon it last time until there were more pages up? I'm not sure. I am definitely more happy with my story-telling skills this time around. This has to do with what I feel is a more genuine character interaction, and more importantly due to it needing to shoulder the weight of the rest of the story. I guess I could say, you won't find out until it progresses beyond a skimpy 11 pages! 8'D

But hey, on that note, thanks a lot for sticking around anyway! I'm still really glad you enjoyed the last version, even if I did not, LOL!

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May 14th, 2013, 8:13 am

Shrimpy (Guest)

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I agree that it's better this time around! Their personalities shine through even with fewer pages than before, and I think that's an amazing thing to be able to do. On that note, can't wait for the next page!

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May 14th, 2013, 11:51 am

octokiss

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@jonasfx: NO U

You know, I hadn't really thought about the glasses, but now I really want to find a way to fit them in in the otherworld... My brain's gears are turning!

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May 14th, 2013, 11:52 am

octokiss

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@Shrimpy: Thanks a lot!! I agree with this! I guess i just feel that my skills have evolved since then, and I'm glad that you seem to be getting the same effect! <3

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May 14th, 2013, 9:51 pm

moxie (Guest)

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@octokiss: Oh hmm, well, I was just nervous about getting into specifics because I didn't want you to feel like I was insulting you or your work (which is what I meant be negatively by the way). If you want specifics I suppose it would be stuff like the girl talking to herself. I realize some people do, in fact, do this but it has always felt like a cheap short cut in comics. Especially since you can pull off the same effect with thought bubbles (though even with thought bubbles it can still go badly if its just used to state exposition outright). Unless there is a good reason for this that has yet to be revealed. I also think the dialogue between Roland and his friend seems a but clumsy in some places. Things like "we not even 21" why would he tell him something he already knows? If that was you attempt to convey their ages I think it could have been done better. The relationship between Roland and his friend was fantastic it felt both genuine and natural, this time around I'm not sure I get the same feeling.
I don't remember how far along you were when I first started reading your comic but there was an ex girlfriend involved initially right? I believe it was something about how the group of them interacted at the club then the sudden appearance of a mysterious girl that perked my interest. None of these are major complaints but they do contribute to the different vibe I'm getting off the comic.
The art is still fantastic, maybe even better and I loved the intro you had in the beginning. :)

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May 19th, 2013, 6:21 pm

Hchano (Guest)

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I kind of agree with Moxie. Mostly on the Fallon thing. She has been a bit harder to enjoy this time around. It seemed before like she was talking to someone the reader couldn't see, which I assume now you hadn't intended??? But never the less, she seemed very mysterious to me. This time around she's really not... talking to herself and acting kind of childish and a bit hyper. I think it could work for her, but so much right off the bat is a little distracting. Maybe it's just cos I liked the previous approach to her a lot tho...

I love what you are doing with the guys tho. I am not sure there is anyway to mess up their bromance, so idk what Moxie meant there xD Ilovethemmmm.

[also i love how fallon is just right fucking there in the last panel on this page xD]

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May 19th, 2013, 7:46 pm

ghostbones (Guest)

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As someone who holds this comics really really close to their heart I'm a little frustrated with the commentary that's happening after only 11 pages!!!! Regarding the whole thing with Fallon talking to herself, I think it's easy to say that that is just Fallon's personality. If you think back to the old version she is still quirky, but I think she does a much, much better job at showcasing Fallon's weirdness. And if you've looked at her art on her art tumblr, you'll see fun little doodle comics where Fallon is definitely kind of silly.

Ronan and Franz, to me, feel way more genuine because of the light banter, Ronan's grumpiness vs Franz's do-whatever-he-feels-like cool demeanor. I think this time around Hillary is doing a great job of showing their personalities so far.

And I think also in this time around a lot of unnecessary things are cut out because they are just that, unnecessary. The pages so far have a really good flow and you get a much better feel for the people. In terms of actual story telling again, Fallon talking to herself isn't a gimmick, that is just Fallon. And Franz mentioned getting 'some cold ones' also known as beer, when they are not yet drinking age. Ronan is obviously not comfortable with that so he brought that just obviously as a way of showing that he's not comfortable with it.

And to be perfectly honest, I think that the way the group interacted at the club and later when they were walking outside wasn't any better than the limited interaction they've had so far in the new version??? Not to mention that all that was happening somewhere page 50+. It makes me sad that people aren't giving this version a chance by keeping the older version which hasn't been seen for quite awhile in mind. Just consider this a totally new sort and put the old version aside so that we can all enjoy the awesomeness of version 2!!!!!

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May 20th, 2013, 12:01 pm

Hchano (Guest)

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<3@Tay. :c Only thing I can say to that, is that you can't expect everyone to follow every part of your work. I know a lot of my readers don't look at my tumlr or da at all. So unfortunately they do miss out on some of the non-canon character developments I only post those places. [but as someone who does stalk her on tumblr, i've noticed these things too xD] [edit: also, yes, she's gotten a shitload more into the story in way fewer pages, which is badass imo.]

@octo: hoping you aren't taking these things too roughly. You'll get ppl questioning things in your comic all the time [i do every few pages at least, from close friends or just readers i've never even spoken to!] ...just bound to happen, no matter what. I still like what you are doing. The art looks amazing this time around, and I'm really loving the new intro a lot more. But it's just going to be hard when you reboot, cos things will always be compared to the previous version! As sucky as it is xD Esp for me, I read the old version quite a few timesss xD /fangirl So like I said, for me, it's just hard to shake the old version, where Fallon's quirkiness was more gradually introduced, to this, where it's immediately there. [but to a new reader, i think it wouldn't be strange]

I don't think any of us are going to stop reading tho~ We know what you're capable of c: and I trust that you'll continue to do awesome.

Sorry if anything I said made you sad. :c /superhugs

[edit: have you noticed your pages not wanting to load lately?? not sure what it is... i'll have to refresh the page a couple times to get rid of the broken image thing. hopefully it's just chrome being stupid!]

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May 20th, 2013, 12:33 pm

octokiss

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Yeesh, what a discussion!

I will try to address all of you, but as briefly as I can! I don't want to go into a verbal essay that I would probably give, were this taking place in person. @hchano @ghostbones @moxie

Thanks collectively for complimenting me on my art. I hear this is the usual reason why people reboot their comics, but for me, this was not the case.

You mention wondering if I had a good reason for rebooting it, and that is true. However, the only way I can address any of your comments is to say that it hasn't gotten far enough into the story for these changes to feel relevant yet. I ask you to stick with me, and see where it goes! This is only 11 pages into a chapter which will probably have an additional 30-40 pages, and only 11 pages out of a story which will, overall, will likely span into the thousands.

Thousands of pages! That means I have to make the beginning of my story as solid as possible. It means cutting out characters and scenes which don't really add anything: The professor scene, the scene in the club. Which is sad, because I did quite like Amy and that stuff with Ronan and her was pretty useful. However, she will never appear again in the story. So why do I even introduce her at all?? If Ronan has relationship issues, I'm sure I can find a way to show that in a way that is efficient and intertwined with the plot, instead of tacked onto the beginning like a vestige fetus.

I do hear you about the criticism about talking to herself. In my own defense, her character type is the kind that would talk to herself--Especially when exasperated by whatever it is!!! that she's doing!!!. But I agree that it is an overused shortcut, although I think her speech with herself was cryptic enough that it actually in the end doesn't really explain anything at all. But!!! This probably actually won't happen again, just by coincidence of how the story goes.

As for the age being mentioned, I'm afraid I just flat out disagree with that. I actually honestly don't even know how old they are. That's mostly Ronan being uncomfortable with law breaking. I tell people stuff they know all the time. It's kind of a tongue in cheek thing? like, "HELLO??? REMEMBER YOURE A GIRL???", or something like that. I find it to be quite common about people.
Their ages is probably something I should actually figure out, haha.

As for being sad, it's okay!!! I can take criticism. It's fine! I'm just a little surprised that I'm getting some so early on?? it seems premature, I guess! But, if you liked the old version, I can sort of get the frustration that the author is starting all over again if you think the old one is fine and just wanted to get a move on with the frickin story! I probably would be, too.

Taylor probably benefits from knowing where the story goes, lol, so she probably can see a lot more of the flaws in the old version. It got to a point where I was like "Shit!!! What??? How am I gonna explain any of this!!!" and it was too late for me to fix it, without being really hamfisted, and clumsy. My goals for this version is to be more concise and less off the cuff.

I am definitely glad that y'all will stick around while I go through it all again, in what I hope fills in all of the plot holes that I had before, which were TONS. I have a lot more pages to get through before you start to see the adjustments long term

EDIT: SHIT!!! THIS WAS REALLY LONG! LOL.

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May 20th, 2013, 12:38 pm

octokiss

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@Hchano: Oh, and about the pages not loading!!! I think the server is having problems??? None of the SJ comics are loading their pages properly... I seriously hope that they get on top of that, and soon. or i'll kill em @___@

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May 20th, 2013, 10:25 pm

Hchano (Guest)

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@octokiss: LMFAO! Poor Amy. That was a good cut then.

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